I Will, With God's Help

OK, so I started this blog nearly a year ago, and have not touched it since.  It seems it's become yet another project I started and then abandoned.  But I've had so much on my mind as of late, I think that writing is going to be good therapy for me.  That being said, today's entry is something that I wrote almost ten years ago.  However, I feel it still has merit, especially now.  And, it gives me a way to sort of ease back into this writing process.  So, here goes!:

I WILL, WITH GOD’S HELP

by

S. Craig McConnell

Parishioner, All Saints’ Episcopal Church

Atlanta, Georgia

May, 2004

Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself?

            I will, with God’s help.

Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?

            I will, with God’s help.

                                                       Book of Common Prayer, p. 305

Those words from our Baptismal Covenant are the ones that speak to my heart the most deeply.

For most of my life I have sat quietly on the sidelines, not making waves unless situations arose that critically affected me personally.  I come from a very loving family.  Although some family relations were strained when I came out of the closet, life eventually returned to what we call normal.  I’m not, at least on the surface, treated any differently now than I was before I came out to my family.  We just don’t talk about it.  I suppose I do well at choosing my friends, both gay and straight, because my being a homosexual never seemed to be an issue for any of them.  That has been a blessing, and they have become an extension of my family.

I recently moved to a condominium in Midtown, after having shared a home with a good friend for the last 12 years.  He and I were never partners, in the sense that we were never romantically involved; we were just good friends who shared a home, sleeping in separate bedrooms.

A little over a year ago, I was having a conversation with my mother, and two sisters (both younger than I am), about the possibility of my moving out on my own.  The older sister asked, “Why do you want to move? Don’t you like your roommate anymore?”  I explained that it had nothing to do with my roommate and that I had just come to a point in my life when “it was time for me to either live with the person I’m sleeping with, or live alone.”  To this my youngest sister replied, “Whoa, that’s way too much information!”  I responded, “Why is that?  Don’t you live with the person you sleep with?”  The older of the two then stated, “Yeah, but we’re married.”  I immediately came back with, “That’s my point, exactly.”  My mother remained amazingly silent during this entire transaction, and this is where the conversation ended.

Upon recent reflection over this conversation, I realize how ironic, and somewhat hypocritical, my sisters’ chosen response was.  The older of my two sisters lived with, but was never married to the father of her first child, and the younger lived with her husband for some time before marrying him.  The bottom line is that marriage is an option for them.  It isn’t for me.

I have never spoken out on the issue of same-sex unions, civil unions, or marriage between two persons of the same sex, because it didn’t seem to directly affect me.  I am single and, while I have always held hope that I might one day be in a loving and lasting relationship, the issue of a relationship being made “official” just hasn’t seemed that important to me.  I have been severely mistaken in that assumption.

Christ teaches us that not only are we to serve him, but that we have served him already, whether we realize it or not.  He tells us that whenever we feed the hungry, help the poor, offer shelter to those in need, that we have indeed done the same to him.  By the same token, when we deny the hungry, the poor, and those in need, we have denied Christ.  When we deny justice, deny love, and give into our fear, then we deny Christ.

In other words, Christ is in us and we are in him.  It’s all about love.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

                                                            John 13: 34-35

I, therefore, can no longer be silent.  For, although I do not presently have need for a union to be blessed or a marriage to be made legal, whenever my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters are denied justice, I am denied justice.  Further, Christ is denied justice.

I do not deny anyone’s right to his or her opinions or feelings.  I do however take very strong issue with those fundamentalists or biblical literalists who relish in using the Bible to deny justice to those they cannot seem to, or choose not to love, but fail to use that same literalism as it applies in their own lives.

We are told that governments do not have the right to “redefine” marriage, and that marriage between persons of the same sex will destroy the sanctity of marriage, yet the definition of marriage has changed or been redefined dramatically since the Bible was written.  How many Christian men do you know that have more than one wife, or have married their brother’s widow?  Is marriage only valid if the wife is a virgin at the time of marriage?  Does a Christian man have the right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives?  The Bible speaks a great deal about the man’s rights as far as a marriage is concerned, however, women’s rights on this issue (and pretty much any other) are virtually nonexistent. The Bible can also be used to forbid, or make illegal, divorce.  And yet, we live in a country with a divorce rate of 50 percent. 

Our very definition of God changed from the opening pages of Genesis to the closing pages of Revelation.  God was an angry, wrathful and vengeful God, who became loving, kind and forgiving.

While I find that the whole of the Bible is an extremely important part of my life as a Christian, if I am to be a true Christian, a disciple or follower of Christ, I must focus my attention most on what Christ taught.  Christ taught love, peace and justice.  Christ made a place for EVERYONE at his table, a place that is not merely tolerated, but embraced.  He taught us to love one another as we do ourselves, even as he has loved us.  I fully believe that it comes down to one of two things, love or fear.  I’m working very hard on moving toward love.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude.  Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.  Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.  For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.  When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.  So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

                                                            I Corinthians 13

I suppose that in the end, I must ask myself the following questions:

Will I seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving my neighbor as myself?

Will I strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?

Will I refuse to remain silent when I and my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, and therefore Christ, are denied our place at the table?

To me, the only answer can be:  I WILL, WITH GOD’S HELP!

What’s In A Name?

My name is Steven Craig McConnell.  It’s not an unusual name; not difficult to read, or pronounce, or spell.  Steven Craig McConnell.  Simple.  Right?

My first name, Steven,

is a masculine first name, derived from the Greek name Στέφανος (Stephanos) meaning "crown, garland."  The name is significant to Christians: according to the Book of Acts in the New Testament, Saint Stephen was a deacon who was stoned to death and is regarded as the first Christian martyr. The name has many variants, which include Stephan, Stevan, Stefan and Stevon.  The name reached its peak popularity in 1951 but remained very common through the mid 1990s, when popularity started to decrease in the United States.  In the United Kingdom, it peaked during the 1950s and 1960s as one of the top ten male first names (ranking third in 1954) but had fallen to twentieth by 1984 and had fallen out of the top one hundred by 2002.¹

Since I was baby, I have been called by my middle name:  Craig (pronounced “Krehg).  I liked it.  Unlike my first name, Steven, you don’t run into it around every corner.  Craig; it’s not uncommon, but less common enough to stand out a little in the crowd.  It’s a good strong Celtic name, Scottish and Gaelic in origin.  It means “rock.”

The given name Craig is popular in Scotland, and is used throughout the English speaking world, though in North America it is often pronounced with a short vowel sound like "egg" while the original pronunciation is more akin to the long a in "James".¹

And finally, my last name:  McConnell.  While there are some McConnells in Ireland, like all others their ancestry can most likely be traced back to Clan Donald, in Scotland.

The surname McConnell is the most accurate English phonetic spelling of the name for the MacDonald Clan in Gaelic, "MacDhomnhuill." Early English documents usually refer to the MacDonalds as McConnells. McConnell is one of the more common of hundreds of spelling variations which also include MacDonald, McDonald, McDaniel, and McDonnell.²

With all of that information, I suppose that it can be fairly easy to get confused and refer to my family as the “McDonalds.”  Really?  Actually with the above information at hand, the confusion should go in the other direction.  McDonalds should be called “McConnell,” or at the very least, “McDonnell.”

Steven Craig McConnell.  It’s a strong name; “Crown,” “Rock,” and a nice sturdy Celtic/Scottish heritage.  I once asked my mother why they decided that I should be known by my middle name, “Craig,” rather than my first name, “Steven.”  She said, “I think your Daddy had a cousin, or other relative, that he didn’t really like, who was named Steven!”  It was OK.  I always kind of preferred the name, “Craig,” anyway.  It was certainly less common than “Steven.”  But why the heck give me the name in the first place, if it is only going to remind you of someone that you don’t like?

All my life, I have been plagued by folks who have vision issues, or perhaps literacy issues, or, let’s face it, are just too damn lazy to read and pronounce my name correctly.  I will never forget an incident that occurred when I was a senior in high school.

I was the drum major of the band at my high school during both my junior and senior years.  I followed in the footsteps of my best friend, who held the position before me and graduated two years before me.  Being in the band, and serving as Drum Major were very instrumental in helping me survive what was a very difficult time in my life.  I didn’t have a lot of friends, and I was bullied quite a bit.  Music offered me an escape which made the rest of the time more bearable.

Anyway, I had a co-Drum Major during my senior year.  She was a great friend in general, and partner on the field.  Her name was/is Aundie Etris; pronounced:  \ȯndē ētris\.  It’s not a difficult name to read or pronounce, for one who is paying careful attention, but it is certainly a bit more unusual than “Craig McConnell.” 

So, during our senior year we participated in a marching band competition.  We were one of the best bands in the county, and we were ready with a great show.  The band was at “parade rest” on the side-lines of the field, and Aundie and I were in position, awaiting the announcer’s introduction so we could begin our performance.  And then it came; over the loudspeaker for everyone to hear:  “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the field the Campbell High School Marching Band, under the field direction of Aundie Etris (pronounced correctly) and Greg McDonald.” 

I felt deflated. 

I managed to pull myself together, and complete a good performance, but I never got over feeling quite diminished in the eyes of that announcer.  Who the hell was Greg McDonald, anyway.  I’m sure he’s a nice enough guy, but he’s not me, and I’m not him.  And it wasn’t him leading the Campbell High School Marching Band on the field the night!  It was me, Craig McConnell!

I’m 51 years old now, and I’m still haunted by people who refuse to take the time to actually read the letters and pronounce my name correctly.  There are people who have known me for many years who still call me “Greg.”  When I get phone calls, asking for Mr. McDonald, or some other wild pronunciation ( I think “MkKoonell, is my favorite), I truthfully tell them that “there is no one here by that name.”

Of course, these days, even I sometimes get confused.  As far as the government, health care systems, and other “official” agencies are concerned, I am Steven C. McConnell.  No matter how hard I try to get them to call me “Craig,” They insist on “Steven,” every time.  I can stand it.  It is my name, and at least they’re not calling me “Greg!”

So, what’s in a name?  It’s important.  It’s our primary source of identification.  If someone were to ask you, “Hey, do you know Greg McDonald?”  You might say, “Yeah, he and I go way back,” or “He’s a really great guy!”  The truth is, he may very well be a great guy.  But, I don’t know him.  I’ve never met him.  There is no one here by that name!

¹ from Wikipedia 

² McConnell Family History, www.mcconnell.com